Posts tagged DBT
How to Find Resources for Anything You Need
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Hello! I'm so happy to see you today. We're going to talk about finding resources and I love this lesson. I love all these lessons, right? But I really love this lesson because in therapy a lot of times we learned to work on our thoughts and certainly I talk a lot about that and I'm going to talk about that a little bit today too. But we don't know what to do.  If you're a student of law of attraction, one piece that's really missing in most of the teaching, certainly not all of it, is how to find resources and how to take action. So we talk a lot about how to think and our thoughts and my book is all about that, but in the formula in my book, "Control the Future: Thought Technology for Influencers one piece to creating your future, right..the first is problems times, inspiration times, resources equal your future.

01:05 So I talk about problems and the role of problems and how they lead to your future. I talked about getting into inspiration, which is a huge piece of all of it and it's also a piece of finding resources and then I talk about now today is finding resources because you can think about things all you want, but if you don't have resources, you can't have it.

We're going to talk about three things today in each piece is about how to get to resources. One, we are going to talk about the thought work, but no. Well, we're going to talk about getting into inspiration. That's the second piece, but in the first piece we're going to talk about the thought work about getting clear on what it is you really want because you can't achieve a goal unless you know what you want. Okay? Number one, we're going to talk about that.


02:00 Number two, we're going to talk about getting into the state of inspiration and I'm going to define that in order to let more ideas come to your mind. Then are in there right now because when you have a goal, I guarantee you, even if you're very, very clear on what your goal is and what you want out of life, you're going to just have a piece of the answer on how to get there, so getting into inspiration will really help you with that. The third piece is the action that you take, the steps you take to get what you want and finding those resources to make it happen. But first, let's talk a little bit about what resources really are. So resources are anything you need to reach your goal. If you want a lover, you need another person. If you want to be self, you are going to need finances.

03:02 You are going to need apps and software. You're going to need a building. You're going to need material goods. If you're selling them, you're going to need employees. If you want to have a have a baby, you're gonna need to figure out how to have a baby. If you want more money, you need a job or some way to make money or you need someone to give it to you. These are all resources that we have. If you want to lose weight, you need to find a plan that works for you, right? So whatever it is you want, you need the resources to get there and resources from a higher level like going back into this whole framework of inspiration and how we're connected to the universe, resources or currency. They connect with us. And so I'm going to teach you a little bit of a huge secret and there's more in my book and there's certainly more in this course on how to connect to resources when you can't see them.

04:08 So that word currency, if you think about it, currency is a word that we have for money, its currency, but if you think about that were connected or there's a current between snr resources will help you to think in a higher level way about how we connect with the resources. Right? So that's a little definition about what resources are there. Anything you need to reach your goal. And that we're connected with them and our work really is how to connect with them. Like how do we connect with that one person we've been looking for whole life. Okay, all right. The first thing and one of the pieces that attracted me to life coaching in the first place was getting clear on your purpose or what you really want out of your life or understanding and connecting with your true self or your authentic self. And I have lots of examples and lessons and episodes on how to do this in my podcast, on my blog, in my facebook live group, and I'm going to include much more of this in my course and I love this whole concept of how do I connect with my true self and how in how do I connect with what I really want?

05:37 So I want you to do that work on what you really want. Now I have lots of resources on how to do that. Again, resources, currency to connect to you on how to find what you really want. But I'm going to give you a little example today that I hope I hope will really help you over and above things that I've already taught you.

05:59 I want you to think about. Let's just use the example of a happy partnership. Let's just say that what you really want is a happy relationship. And I will tell you that a very high percentage of conversations I have with my clients are about relationships. It's probably the thing that brings people to therapy the most relationships or money or finding happiness in life. But relationships are a big one. So let me talk about that. Let's just say that you want a happy partnership. I want you to think about what that looks like to you and you can use my lesson on do want, don't want, and the homework on that to get clearer on the kind of partnership you want. So what you would do in that example is you would list everything you've learned. You don't want an interrelationship and that will make you more clear on what you do want in a relationship.

07:03 So remember, the purpose of problems is always to guide guidance towards our preferences and what we really want in life. So do the work on understanding the rule of problems the do want, don't work, don't want homework. And then when you get clear as clear as you can on what you do want, say for example in a relationship you say, I want someone who's handsome, I want someone who's emotionally supportive. I want someone who wants kids. Whatever it is. These are your preferences. You get to have your preferences. But I want to tell you something here that goes over and above this. And let me give you an example of how this worked in my life. Once we get clear on what we want, we need to stay attached to the essence of it. And here's the reason why life gives us preferences and we have preferences and we get connected with what we want.

08:10 But I promise you the universe is big. And in the example of a person or a job, our mind can only hold so much information about the type of person or the type of job that we want. So we have to stay open to the essence of what we know as much as we know, as much as we can think of in our brains of what we want, but we want to stay open to the bigger picture of everything there is out there for us, in my example, starting a new company in a business and my public persona and all the stuff that I'm doing right now. I promise you I'm clear then most people on what I want, but I only in my brain can understand a little piece of where this is going. I know what I want. I know the life I want.

09:06 I know I want to help people and I want to do it in a big way, but I don't know the end game. So I have to stay open. I do the pieces that I know, but have to stay open to the bigger picture. And so you do the thought work number one, but then you get into the place of inspiration in. In my formula. It's the eye, the problems teach us preferences, and then we go into the state of inspiration to get the bigger picture. So what does that look like? We've talked about meditation. Meditation is a good one. If you meditate, that's great. There's other ways to get into the state of inspiration and in my book, control the future thought technology for influencers. I tell you lots of them, but let me tell you why you get into this place of inspiration and then I'll tell you how a little bit you get into the place of inspiration because like I said, there's a limited amount of information in your brain and what you're trying to do is see the bigger picture, connect with more resources, have an open mind to see the perfect partner that's there for you that you might be missing so you can bet, annotate, you can do certain things.

10:21 I could just go out and be happy. If you were having a lot of anxiety around this particular issue, the anxiety is going to keep your mind from seeing the possibilities because you're just seeing the problem or seeing what you don't have. So what I want you to do is go out and be happy to take your mind off the problem. Go to a spa, go play golf. What is it that you love? Watch TV. Take a nap, take a walk, hang out with a friend. There can be a lot of things that you do to get into the state of inspiration. What is it that you love to do that takes your mind off of everything else? It kind of will reboot your mind, and that's the great thing about meditation. It reboots your mind, those thoughts that are limiting you. It reboots it, and then you can open up and see more possibilities.

11:15 And this is all really important, but before taking action, because if you take action with the few steps that you know how to do, you might not be as effective as if you open up your mind and you see more possibilities and then you take inspired action, right? Okay. So let's talk about action because this is a piece that we're all waiting for. How do we take action? We have the goal in mind. We're staying with the essence of it, we're specific in our mind as we know to be, but we're staying high level, giving an inspiration and then we're ready to take action. So let's use my work right now in my business as an example of taking action. When I really entered the public persona right, or the spotlight, I had some steps in mind. I had a goal, right? My goal was to be a public figure to get the message out to as many people to help them and in my mind I thought, how do I do that?

12:28 How do I get there, say 12 months for my original goal, so I built out and what I do is I take a big picture and then I break it down into what I do. You can do this however you want with whatever time management or project management system, you break it into goals, individual goals, so I usually do quarters this quarter. I'm going to accomplish this this quarter, this and it's building blocks. So I start off with the foundation and then I build on that and build on that and build on that. You want to really do that. You want to use post it notes, your whiteboard, your notebook, your time management or project management system, whatever works for you. If you like graphs and charts and breakdown your end goal, you want to break down the end goal and then build it into as many pieces as possible and then say, for me, I take those four quarters in a year and then I break it down into weeks and then I break it down into days, so you're going to get more and more specific and granular with those action steps.

13:47 That's what we do. We have these achievable goals. Now. That's terrifying when you don't really know. You don't really know what to do to get there or it looks huge because I want to build a business. I know 12 months from now I'm going to need employees. I know I'm going to need money along the way. I haven't. None of those. Whenever you start something, you don't have what you want, you might have a few pieces of it. If I'm trying to attract a mate, I might have some of those pieces of what I need to get there. I might have preferences. I might have good hair, I might be on a dating site, but there's going to be things I need along the way that I'm not aware of. Maybe the dating site. It's not going to work. Maybe I have a plan the first three months to get in shape and to go to therapy and get my right.

14:51 I'm going to take this course and I'm going to be all clean and ready. You have that as your first step. Your second step is to get on a dating site or to join single support groups or just start talking to friends with the goal of finding someone in the next 12 months that I really want to settle down with. You. Break it into those steps because taking action is really important. Remember, remember that you want to take inspired action. If you open your mind, if you go to a concert, you're going to get an idea on how to do this, but you do the best you can to break it in pieces and that's where a coach can really come in handy just like a coach trains you for the marathon. A coach can help you break it into the best steps that they know how to do to get you there and then break it into the days and have a training calendar.

15:42 So if you're training for a marathon, you're going to go look for six months marathon training and you're going to start by running three miles and then you're going to add it and you're going to use all the best practices to get there. I so you are going to break it down, but let me let me prepare you for something. Even if you're training for a marathon and you have that all, you're going to get sick one day and you're going to be behind a week or you might sprain your ankle. I'm not wishing that on you, but I'm seeing things happen in life. Don't let it discourage you because those three pieces I just said, getting clear on what you want, taking action or getting inspired and taking action, they kind of rotate in and out, so I might start two weeks into my goal and say, oh, that's not working right, so then that not working as a problem.

16:40 It's going to be like a micro piece of it and I'm going to go back to, oh, this problem helped me refine this goal even more, and so you're going to encounter problems along the way to get to your goal. That's okay. Don't be discouraged. You're going to get more and more clear and refined on what it is you want, and then you're going to, if you're feeling negative emotion, you're going to get back into the place of inspiration and then that's going to help you come up with new and different action steps along the way. That's a little bit about taking action. Okay? I want you to know at the beginning if it seems overwhelming to reach your goal, you don't have to do everything at one time. Sometimes at the beginning it's just about a lot of research. It's about asking questions and listening to podcasts and going to school intake, intaking a course in getting clear.

17:41 Sometimes you know the end goal, but the resource to get there is actually learning more about it and that's okay. That's okay, and don't be overwhelmed that you have to do everything at one time. Break it down and then adjust along the way. All right? You like that? Now, one thing that's really important in finding resources is this piece I talked about connecting with greater resources. This whole currency thing in the place of inspiration, I want you to get your mind into the space of you are connected to all resources in the entire universe. I know that's a tough sell, but it's true. If someone else's, why can't you be? You are. You're a part of the bigger picture and it's part of your life and what you want for your life, so empty your mind and know that everything's yours to have everything you want, even if it's not looking like it at at the time and when you start taking those actions.

18:47 I want you to learn to follow your gut, follow your impulses. If you have a whole day planned, certainly there's going to be things you can't change like me recording this, but you might want to, um, following impulse to do something else and it can lead you somewhere that you really want to go. Again, our minds are limited so we don't know all the answers, but if we can be open to following our gut to connecting with greater resources, you'll be surprised at where it will lead. Okay. Let me give you a personal example of how that worked for me. After my first divorce, I've been divorced twice. After my first divorce, I'd been a stay at home mom and I needed to work and I did not know what to do because I'd been a stay at home mom for so long. I ended up getting the most amazing job in tech before working for tech was cool.

19:51 It was a fortune 100 best places to work. They paid for all my training. They, it was the we. I started off with three weeks of vacation, started off with three weeks of vacation, unlimited sick days, you know, we had all the perks of working for a tech company. We had a hair salon and a carwash place and cafes and anything you can imagine, a free food. I had my wildest dreams could not have imagined I was going to get that job or even how to get there, but I joined a support group because I was guided or led or felt a good impulse to be a part of the support group for people that were going through a divorce and I met a man in that group who became like a father figure to me and he ended up helping me get this job so you don't know where it's gonna come from.

20:48 It's going to be random. Again. You have just a few things in your mind of how to get there. Follow your gut and it will lead you to the resources. He was a resource I never, ever thought would be a resource for this other goal. I thought he was going to be a resource to help me get over my divorce, but he helps me get a job, so see how it works. You want to stay open. I remember I told you to stay open to the essence. I also want you to stay open to the timing. For me, everything takes so much longer. I don't know if that's the case for you, but it takes longer than you think to reach your goals. There's doubt. You don't know how it's going to happen and you don't know what to do sometimes, but just keep taking action.

21:49 You have it so strong in your mind after doing all this work of what it is you want. I promise you it will happen. Just keep doing action. I remember, and I've studied, as you know me by now, I've studied all kinds of religions and philosophies and therapies. I love wisdom and knowledge and I studied Kabbalah in Kavala. Taught me this a lot about just following our instincts and taking action. You do the thought work, you do this spiritual stuff, but then you always take an action, take an action. Take the the next right step. I think they say that in a or it's not official, but they say that a lot. Take the next right step. Just take action. It's really important and then you're going to connect with the resources. Okay? Last thing I want you to know, you are protected and loved by the universe you are, and this is going to happen for you in all the resources are out there for you to do the work on what it is you want.

22:59 Know that you're connected to every resource available and that it's there for you and the happier that you are in, the more you open your mind, the more you're going to have ideas on how to connect with them and find them and not miss them. If they're right in front of you, and then the last piece is taking action and you'll get to where you want to go. For more on this, make sure you read my whole book, control the future thought technology for influencers, but the chapter on finding resources specifically in how I connected with resources in my life story so randomly, and it's going to be random for you. Okay? I'd love to hear your feedback. Team t e a, m at control the future tech and I especially want to hear your success stories and all this. Okay. Have a beautiful day, my friend tapings for listening. See you.