Posts tagged law of attraction
How to Make Major Set-Backs into Huge Leaps Forward!
 
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Transcript:

Today we're going to talk about how to make major setbacks in two huge leaps forward and I want to give a shout out to my linkedin and twitter girlfriends who are trying to master video because I found the secret sauce to views it is blush. I was looking at some of the data on the videos and the ones with more blush or getting more views. So if you're one of my guy friends experimenting with twitter feeds and Linkedin feeds on video, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe blush. Try it. Maybe Johnny Depp. Eyeliner I don't know. All right. Today we're going to talk about how to turn those major setbacks in your life into huge leaps forward. I don't know. I wouldn't call the live feed a debacle, a, um, major setback. But as I've talked about before, all problems have opportunities. And so I guess I'm going to learn more about obs and if you want the free worksheets to this and you're going to want them because there's a lot of good information in here, you're going to go to control the future dod tech forward slash huge dash leap.

 
 

01:17 Okay, that's my website control the future debt.tech. Then you're going to do forward slash huge dash leap. So let's dive in straight in now to what we're going to talk about today. There's nothing I ever talk about that I haven't personally been through and I think most coaches and really most therapists and psychologists, if you think about it, medical doctors, we all do what we do out of our life experiences.

 
 

So I've had some major setbacks in my life, so I'm going to tell you from experience that mentality from research. I'm going to tell you from all my training being alive, a life coach, we're going to go into all kinds of best practices on what to do and I know some of you, if you're not currently going through a major setback in life, there's been a major setbacks in your life and guess what?

02:11 There will be more. It's just life. And one thing I am always trying to teach you guys is you got to play by the rules of the game of life. You know, and I love law of attraction, but everything's pie in the sky. And if nothing's ever going to happen, that's just not going to happen, right? You're going to have major setbacks and I'm sorry if you're going through something really big and certainly those major setbacks, like loss of a loved one, loss of a marriage, losing your house, losing your job, those are some really big ones and there's some other ones out there, but I'm going to teach you how to turn them into huge leap forward today. And one thing I want to say about major transitions for me personally is if I caused them, like if I wanted a divorce, then it's stressful, but it's not as difficult.

03:09 The things that are the most difficult for me or things I don't want it to happen in my life. Things I didn't choose, I just didn't want to happen. Those are really hard. So we're going to talk about what to do when those things happen. Financial catastrophe is, is another one, and I'm going to give you some specific examples, sitting back and saying, all right, in today's episode, I'm going to teach you five things that are useful in dealing with major setbacks. Number one is how to minimize the grief and anger period that accompanies them. Right? Number two, I'm going to teach you how to give yourself a break when you feel disoriented and not yourself. That's what a major setback feels like, like you're disoriented. Number three, I'm going to give you the tools to get through the time it takes to recover when you feel like it's taking too long, right?

04:03 So I'm going to give you the tools to get through the time it takes to recover when it's feeling like it's taking too long, I'm going to help you remember number for the true role of problems. They're always there to lead you to something better, and so it was a major setback. I want to get you thinking about this major setback that you might be going through and how it's leading you to something better. And then finally, in the last point, I'm going to help you rebuild your life better than it was before. So we're going to go through these really quickly. I'm going to give you the real nuggets in each one of these five, and like I said, there's more information in my notes in my Freebie at control, the future.tech forward slash huge dash leap. Okay? All right. Now, number one, how to minimize the grief and anger period.

04:58 Everyone, everyone in life goes through major setbacks or upheavals and you're going to feel some emotion. If you know my story, you know I felt a lot of really bad feeling emotion and I don't like it and I have so many skills and tools under my belt to not feel depressed or angry or sad, and even with all the tools I have, I still, I still feel bad. I don't like it. It hurts. There's sadness, there's grief, it's part of life, and you're going to feel those things in. The first thing I want you to know about that is it's normal. It's normal to go through that, so don't beat yourself up. If you're feeling bad, okay? You're okay. It's okay. It's normal to feel angry or depressed, but you can minimize it. You don't want to stay in it forever and you want to get on with your life, but the most important piece to this, however bad you feel right now is to know that you are going to feel better.

06:09 You're going to feel better, and you should feel better. I don't care if you caused it yourself. The worst case scenario, you're feeling a lot of guilt or shame over it. You should feel better. You're, it's an you're entitled to feel better. I've got some stories of some people that I've worked with who've done some really awful things in their life and even those most awful things that you can think of that they've caused in their life that have made a major setback in their life like a major like imprisonment, right? They can feel better even in that situation and redeem it the way you have to do it when you're feeling so bad is you want to give yourself time to turn your thoughts, okay? Your mind to a better feeling, thought and emotion. If you want more on how to do this, go listen to my podcast.

07:08 Look at my youtube videos. I give you a lot of tools on how to get your thoughts better so you feel better and better and better. Okay? There's lots of information there on how to do it. So number one in this little first point is you want to give yourself a break that it might take a little time right? And then you want to work on feeling better and better in it. And remember, it's this turning your mind away from the problem and onto a better feeling thought. There's. There's one thing I want to let you know that it's okay if you're feeling really, really bad, you need to distract yourself with whatever works because remember, the more we think about a problem, the sadder or angry we're going to be and sometimes it feels good. You want to thank you, want to be. You want to be mad at the person or you want to be angry and you.

08:08 You need to go through that a little bit, but if you get stuck in that, it's not gonna feel good after a while. So if you can't work on those thoughts and sometimes you can. At first you just want to distract yourself and you're not a failure because your watching too much tv or you're drinking more than you should or whatever. Coping mechanism, eating more, okay? It's, it's for a season and just give yourself a break and just let yourself distract for a little time. Of course, we want to find the healthiest ways to distract. We can, and we're going to talk about that more in a minute. Okay? Remember when I said, give yourself a break when you feel disoriented or not yourself as the next point. This is all about putting, taking the pressure off yourself to feel like you have to fix everything immediately because major setbacks often don't allow for an immediate solution.

09:08 You may not know what to do at first and that's okay. If your world's been ripped it apart, you're going to feel disoriented. You're going to feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath you. You're going to feel like your breath as has been taken out of your tests like you got punched in the gut. If you think about a major setback, like one of those analogies, like you know, you know, say you when you were a kid and you ran into another kid and you fell on the ground and the first time you got your breath knocked out of you, it took you a minute to catch your breath and a major setbacks going to see. You're going to have to take a minute to catch your breath, so give yourself a break. When you're like, what happened? The lights just got knocked, knocked out, right?

09:51 Be Gentle with yourself and I want you to talk to yourself like you would talk to yourself like you had talked to a friend or a child, right? If it's a child or a friend that you cared about, had a major life setback, you'd be really gentle with them. You'd be really just listen and be their friend. You have to give yourself that first. Okay? Give yourself time to get your bearings and know that everyone feels disoriented after a major setback. What we, I don't know if you're like this, but we tend to want to know what to do. We want to tend to figure out why it happened. We want to know and we want permanence. We we love permanent, especially if something was working for you and it got taken away. That whole concept of impermanence in our lives was one of the hardest concepts for me to ever grasp because especially when I was younger, I got it.

10:55 By having things taken away from me, life is always changing what you want to do as one of the lessons of your major setback, and we're going to talk about learning the lessons in a minute so it feels better is you want to just embrace the beauty of the changes that are happening in you. Some good changes are happening. It's like the serenity prayer which I looked up to make sure I had right for you today and I didn't realize there was a second part to the serenity prayer, so it came to mind because when our life gives us a major setback, so we are having to learn how to accept a lot of things and just sit with it, understand it just accepted. If we can't understand it, just radically accept it just like in the serenity prayer and there's a lot of acceptance going on except the things you cannot change and then the courage to change what you can, but usually the courage to change what you can comes after the acceptance part, right?

12:03 Because if we can accept what's happened, we can't change it because we're going to keep going back and trying to make it as if it didn't happen. Okay? If you've taken a dbt skill class, you've learned radical acceptance and radical acceptance has been one of the most freeing concept of concepts of, uh, my life. You have to radically accept that things change. Some things are out of your control and you just want to give your heart and head time to accept what's happened to you. So I'm gonna read this serenity prayer to you because I want you to hear the second part of it too. Most of us know the first part, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. Living One day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, excepting hardships as the pathway to peace, man, if you can get that piece from what I'm saying today, accepting hardships as a pathway to peace.

13:06 You've mastered life. Basically you're enlightened at that point, so I want you to really listen to everything I'm talking about today because accepting hardships is a pathway to peace. Taking as he did the sinful, sinful world as it is not as I would have it, trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will, that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next. You don't have to be a Christian to get the pieces of that that are important for us to learn. Just a little note on this, if you followed me, you know that I've studied many religions, many religions, and there's nuggets from all religions and the serenity prayer was based in Christianity, but there's a lot of good stuff in there. Okay? The next thing I want to talk about that's important is I want to give you the tools to get through the time it takes to recover when you feel like it's taking too long, so I'm going to give you the tools, a few little tools to just give you that peace when you feel like the recovery is taking too long and I recently had a big majors financial setback in my life.

14:25 It wasn't. I couldn't have seen it coming. I trusted someone and they weren't trustworthy. I didn't see it coming and it was a major setback and I'm a go getter. I want to get stuff done and I wanted to solve it all and think I could solve it all. But sometimes we cause more grief by being. I don't want to say not to be optimistic because everything I preach is about being optimistic, but we have to be realistic about that. We can't control the time frame a lot of times about when things are gonna get back to normal or get or get better and we're going to talk some more about that. And remember I just said, you can just distract, you can just distract.

15:20 Distraction is a beautiful tool and it is a skill in and of itself. So remember I talked about, I alluded to a little bit, learning how to be present and this whole concept of impermanence is that we really want to enjoy things while we have them because when they're taken away or when their time in our life is over, ready for the next step, and that's what really is happening. We're ready for the next step. We tend to grieve that we didn't appreciate it. The way not to do this anymore in our lives going forward is to learn how to be present and in really enjoy the moment and have gratitude for the things that we have now. If you didn't do that before, just start now. Okay? So being mindful to the present is a skill that we learn and it makes us feel better, but an equally good skill or an also another good skill is to learn how to distract, to really not be present to that moment that's making us miserable. Does that make sense? Email me, if it doesn't, I'm going to tell you to do something and if you're really suffering when you hear this, you're gonna want to slap my face, but I want you to try to envision the good that may come of this, right? So let's talk about a horrible, horrible tragedy. Um, and I'm, I'm not making light of the suffering. I'm trying to get your mind wrapped around that good can come of every situation.

17:13 One tragedy that you could just think of it as an example would be a Ta, a child that was lost to something in just and how that parent grieves the loss of that child, but they also become an advocate. They also use that to propel them to do something really good in the world. I talked about before and I had in my mind, and I didn't know if I was going to tell you this one story about, I had a um, a classmate. I taught Nami classes to support support people with mental illness. He was actually going through the training to do it with me and this man. And I don't want to like bring you down with this. I want you to see that even in the worst major setbacks in life, beauty can come of it. But it really was a beautiful story.

18:05 This man, he'd had a psychotic break and he killed someone in it. Is this before he knew he had a mental illness and this ban, I remember sitting next to him thinking, if this happened to me, I don't know if I could ever get through it. Do you know how can you get through it? But somehow was support and love and learning these things. He turned it around and he dedicated his life to helping other people not have to go through psychotic breaks to get the mental health care that they needed and deserved before something tragic could happen. And he had a ministry, basically two people who had gone through some really horrible things. So those are two examples of really huge, like worst case, major setbacks and how something beautiful happened from it. And I give them to you because I want you to think of examples of what good might come from this major setback. I do this all the time. Okay, so what good can come of this because everything always works out for you and me, right? So I. I hate time, but time is not your enemy and things are working out for you and if you could just soothe yourself, it's okay. It doesn't have to be solved right now. Time is not my enemy and things are working out for me. Just remember that like that little mantra time is now my enemy and things are working out for me.

19:44 I've talked a lot about in my book in particular that there's a benevolence out there, putting things in motion. There is a benevolence out there. You can call it whatever you want, but that benevolence is putting things in motion, making sense of things for you and repairing it and making it better than it. It never happened and sometimes you, if all else fails, you just go to sleep at night and say, I give it. I give it up to you because I don't know how to figure this out and know that there's some things. Someone, someone's out there making sense of it for you and putting it together better than if it never happened.

20:27 Okay?

20:29 I love this one. I want you to remember that the role of problems in her life and problems seemed small compared to a major setback, but the role of all problems in life is leading you to something better. And my book control the future thought technology for influencers. A key piece of creating our future is problems. So get that book on kindle. If you can afford it, asked me, I'll send it to you. Okay, go team@controlthefuture.tech. I want you to have it. I want you to understand the role of problems and there's a lot in their life is always changing. It is, but there is a beauty to life that problem's always, and I promise you always lead to something better. Even major setbacks they do. We don't want pain. None of us want pain. So if we can learn what the role of pain is, why it's there, it's not. To make you suffer is to lead you to something better. It's going to help you through the transition and give you the answers to what's going on. Right? Okay. Let's see. Okay. I want you to rebuild your life better than it was before and that this is the huge leap forward. I've built up to the huge leap forward from a major, major setback, right? So you're doing all these things to feel better. You're settling in that it's going to take a little time. You're understanding that problem's always create opportunities and something better and now you're going to rebuild your life better than it was before. I've got some really little cool things to help you with this.

22:26 Um, I mentioned earlier that I've studied a lot of religions and when I was really suffering at one point in my life, I was like, why am I suffering? What is the point of suffering? That's a huge question so many people have, like if there's a god, why? Why is there so much suffering? For me, I came across in Kabbalah this little bit about the purpose of suffering is to make you more like God. Now that sounds really esoteric, like what does that mean? But basically it is the concept there and you can put it in into your belief system, but I want you to think about it is if we are put here on this earth to do something beautiful, then all suffering is in this way of thinking is

23:17 us not learning the lesson and that will continue to suffer until we learn the lesson of why we were suffering. And then when we learn the lesson, then we get out of the suffering. So learn the lesson. What is the lesson? What's the lesson that that major setback just taught you? And I know some of you right when I said that it popped into your mind because there's a lesson learned the lesson. If you don't know what it is, you just have to open your arms and say, I don't know. Teach me the lesson and in my situation and I'm going to walk through a couple of things that happened to me like what was the lesson and how did it make me better? Some major, huge setbacks I've had in my life have made me a better person.

24:08 When I, if you look, I just put on my website, um, control the future.tech. There's a little on the tab bpd and I put on that my testimony to Congress in 2008, which really launched my career unbeknownst to me that it would, but I talk about losing my children and I lost relationship with my children and that was by far the most painful thing I've ever been through. But when I said why, why did this happen and how can I become a better person with it? Some really magical things happened. I learned how to become a better mother. I think I'm a really, really good mom now and I took a lot of time to learn everything I needed to learn how to be a better mother. In my case, I learned how to control my emotions, communicate better. I learned what kids need for development, all kinds of things.

25:11 I became a really good mother because of that situation. And the biggest gift of all is when I didn't have my kids in my life and I longed for children. I ended up having my beautiful son hunter. And then my two beautiful twins, I never would have had them if my children would have been there with me. So something beautiful happened and then I got my other kids, my other sweet kids back to. And so I, I got more than I could have imagined. So those are some examples of that. I want you to start thinking about, learn the lesson. What lesson can I learn? How can I grow from this? How can this problem be leading me to my true future? And just follow that. And that's how you start building this new life in. The answers will come when you're feeling like, how can I get through this?

26:09 You're going to get through it. I know you don't believe it, but I promise you you will. And guess what else? You're going to learn more and you're going to become a better person and you're gonna. Have a bigger house. If you lost a house or a better house or a better job or the job that you're supposed to be in or the better husband or wife you will, something better will come of it. I promise in just. I know that might make you mad if you're feeling a lot of grief or anger, but I promise you it will and just remember that. Okay? Okay. One last thing. That's a little tip that's real practical because I've talked about a lot of like hard thinking and feeling and stuff like that. Here's a really practical little thing you can do if you've had a major setback, what is your setback?

27:01 Okay? It's in your mind right now. I'm gonna. Use the example of you just lost a lover. Okay? If you think about, I lost that particular person, it's him and I'll never have that person back. It's almost impossible to get over that. So one little thing you can do, it's a little trick, and it works is what did I lose that that person gave me? So then it takes the focus off of that person who will never have again in it. You can actually start to problem solve. What are the little pieces? So if you've lost a lover, what did you lose? I lost companionship. I lost sex as a intimate partner. I lost a housekeeper. I lost financial provision. I lost someone that made me feel better about myself. Right? That's a big one. So break down if it's a financial, if you lost your job, you want to break down how to replace the pieces of what you've lost and then you can start really starting to tackle it right?

28:04 Just replace those things and then when you start envisioning your new life and where it might go, you just want to. The next step is just to start researching it. It gives you something to do and you just start living at birth up inside you. It will happen. Okay? That's all I want to say for you today. I hope it helped. Like I said, it's a lot. Give yourself some time. Be Gentle with yourself and go get my notes. I'm at control. The future.tech forward slash huge dash leap. If you want more on this, email me if you have questions and if you really want to learn this stuff, you want to join my retrain your brain class and you can find information on that on my site. Control the future.tech forward slash retrain my brain and I hope to see you there. Love you guys. I look forward to good reports to give me the good reports and thanks for sticking around for this new video. Okay, bye everyone. Love you.

 

Get Unstuck and Make Your Life Happen
 
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Transcript:

Hello everybody, it's Tami Green.

Welcome back for our next installment of how to have a great time and have a great brain and a great life. And a piece of that which we're going to discuss in a minute about making your life happen, is taking the steps and you start with little steps.

So last about six months ago, I reentered into the public arena and I've been building and if you've been watching me, I've taken little steps to up my game along the way. I didn't start off with millions of dollars and professional everything. It's been incremental, incremental, and that's really important for you to understand as we're going into this. So we're going to talk about getting unstuck today and then making your life happen. So there's two pieces to this. The first step is getting unstuck. And then the second step is getting the steps in order and keeping the motivation to make your life happen.

So you may be a person that already has a vision for your life. You just don't know how to get there. 

Maybe you want to lose weight or you want a better relationship or a better job. You just don't know how to get there. Or maybe you're really not clear, you're just unsatisfied, but you don't know what you want. We're going to address all of that today.

Now in this episode, we're not going to go into an eight or twelve week course with me or one on one coaching where you can go deep into this, but I'm going to give you my best tips in one episode and if you want the worksheets on this so you can take this home and really dive into everything I'm talking about. Go to my website, controlthefuture.tech/unstuck, controlthefuture.tech/unstuck.  I've got some really cool worksheets that you can really dive into this and spend more time on this because this is really good stuff. 

When I got certified as a life coach with Martha Beck, many years ago now, the two elements that I really learned about life coaching one on one was the first thing that we do with our students is we help them reach into their own inner guidance system and find out where their true self is leading them. We don't do it as life coaches. We give you the tools to do that and I'm going to give you some of those tools today. One of my favorite tools I'm going to give you in a minute.

The second step that we do with our clients is we help you make a clear, actionable plan to do what ever you want to accomplish. If you're a doctor and you want to get out of being a doctor and you want to be an artist, we're going to make the plan to get there. 

 
 

Whatever it is, if you want to have a baby, if you want a new job, if you want a girlfriend, whatever you want, a new house, whatever it is, I'll help you make the steps to get there. That's the second part of being a life coach, and in that second part, a huge, huge piece of it is to help you stay motivated. In executive coaching, we call it intrinsic motivation. Reaching in and helping you find your motivation that really sustains your efforts because that's a lot of it, isn't it? Trying to get you feeling like you really are enjoying the process and you're really making good progress and that you're on track rather than losing motivation. We're going to go over all of that today, so welcome.

Ready? Here we go. The first thing that we're going to talk about is this one little exercise, and honestly I may have gotten this from Martha. I've been using it for so many years. Or I may have created it myself. Sometimes I create a lot of things myself. Sometimes I borrow them and try to give them credit. Some things I can't. I can't remember how I've developed over the years. Sometimes my clients teach me things as well. 

First of all, whether you know exactly what you want or you're just feeling unsatisfied with your life now and you want more, this little exercise will help you get very clear on what you want out of your life. So when you're doing this in a quiet place, you're going to want to close your eyes. If you can't do that now while while you're listening because you're driving or whatever, get my worksheets at controlthefuture.tech/unstuck. What are we talking about? Unstuck. Controlthefuture.tech/unstuck. Sit down quietly and do this exercise. It's the best way to do it, but listen to what I'm going to tell you now.

Take two minutes if you can, and listen this little exercise. I'm going to have you envision your best life ever five years from now, so if you can close your eyes and envision five years from now, the first thing I want you to remember is don't put any judgments around it or say I can't do that. I really want you to really daydream, okay? Daydream about what your best life would be five years from now, and what I'm gonna do is I'm going to have you think about waking up in the morning, in your bed first thing in the morning. You're waking up in your bed five years from now. 

Where are you? What does your bed look like? Is there anyone in bed with you? What do your sheets feel like? What's the air temperature? What's the furniture in your room? Are you in a house? Are you in an apartment in a hotel? Your very, very best day, five years from now, you wake up. Now I want you to think about walking to the window and looking outside and I want you to tell me what's out there. What is outside your window? Is it the suburbs? Is it the countryside? What season of the year is it? I want you to think about all of that. I want to think about when you've looked outside, what's the season of the year? Are you looking out in to the city or is it your yard? Is there a swing set out there or lake? What's your very best day? You can have any thing you want. Now what I want you to do is I want you to walk over to your closet and tell me what's in that closet, 

What kind of clothes are in your closet? Do you have workout clothes? Do you have the business suits? Do you have casual things? Are someone else's clothes in there or just yours? This is your life. You get to decide. Now, look on the floor and tell me what kind of shoes are there? What kind of shoes do you see? Maybe you have some random other things in that closet. Now look up on the top shelf. What's up there? 

This little exercise is going to give you so much insight into what your true self really wants and is calling you towards and the fact that it was a dream and not what someone expected of you helps you get in touch more with what you really want, not someone else's expectations.

So this is a really cool exercise that you can do and trust me, I do this exercise with myself every once in a while, every few years. What I want to address now, and this can happen at any phase of life, is when you just don't know what you want. If I gave you that scenario and you still felt like it was missing some elements, I'm going to talk to you a little bit about that. One thing is we have so many options these days and that's why getting in touch with your true self and this exercise helps clear some of that clutter. 

But if you were really young, for example, it's life experiences that really point us towards what we really want to do. If you're just graduating from high school for example, or in the middle of college, you don't even know what all the options are out there for you. And so when we get into the next piece, making your life happen, my advice for you is just to get out there and do stuff. Get out there and do stuff and I'm going to talk about that in a minute and some of the fears that we have about just getting out there and doing things, but know that life experiences for all of us, like in my book, Control the Future: Thought Technology for Influencers. I talk about how problems always lead us to solutions in our life and the role, the beneficial role of problems, and it's the same thing. 

Life experiences keep refining our desires so we have this heart for being a certain way or doing a certain way, but it keeps getting refined. So if you don't know exactly what you want to do, we're going to start going along the path best that you know. I'm going to tell you how to do that in a minute and the first thing I want you to do there is to start with what you love to do. What is it that you love to do? If you like to go to the aquarium and look at fish, go work in a fish place. Not like the kind where you eat fish, but where you clean out aquariums, you just go towards what you love. That's how you get started. If you're not very specific. I hope all that helps you. Now the bigger piece here and the piece that can be terrifying, is how to make your life happen. 

So at the beginning of this I said maybe you want to lose weight or want a new job. In that exercise I just gave you, you got clear on if you wanted someone in your bed or not, if you wanted a swing set in the backyard or a sailboat, so you're getting clear on all these things in. What I want you to think about is one major goal that you might have that came out of that little exercise. I talk a lot about Yin and Yang and dialectics, right? Opposing viewpoints, both here and in DBT, a kind of therapy I use a lot of the skills from. There's a tenant of it that says you have to accept and challenge both. It's a dialectic. The dialectic here is you have to envision and you have to create, you have to daydream and you have to do the work. 

Some of us work hard without getting clear in our minds on what we want. Some of those daydream all the time and don't do the work, so you have to do both to make your life happen. Okay? You have to take steps to get there and this is where we can feel stuck. Again, we can feel all kinds of feelings at this point. Here and when you start doing. I'm going to tell you how to get started in just a minute, but let me tell you, when you're doing something new and changing something big, it can be terrifying. It can feel terrifying. It can feel overwhelming and you can feel incompetent. I've really decided to do some big things and there have been days where I felt with out as many tools as I had, a lot of anxiety, or even downright fear, but I was sure on what I wanted, so I pushed through it and I did it. 

I did it anyway. I didn't listen to those emotions because they weren't true and I did some work with my self coaching on that, so I want to let you know you're gonna have all kinds of emotions that come up that don't feel comfortable, it's okay. Take action anyway and you're going to fail. You're going to make mistakes, and that's part of it. I think a lot of people don't try new things because they don't want to fail or they don't want to look incompetent, but I know the startup community in Silicon Valley, having been there, having clients and friends and family members that work in startups, startups are all about testing and finding out what what works and failing fast, so if you can change your mentality too, I'm just going to get out there and I'm going to learn along the way. It's slightly terrifying. 

I'm just going to do it instead of, Oh, I have to appear competent and I have to have it all together. When I come out here and I do these live shows, I have all kinds of stuff that goes wrong all the time. I trip up words. I say I'm too often, I say so all the time, whatever it is, don't worry about it. Get out there. There's a little song by Shakira that my little four year old twin girls listened to all the time is called Try Everything and that wouldn be a good song to just get the lyrics to at this point if you're struggling with just going out there and doing it, so you're going to have these emotions that come up, that feel that reminds you. This is hard. This is scary. I feel incompetent. The most successful people try new things. 

They break out of their comfort zone and they fail. Now the word fail is kind of a negative word, but if you just say it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to learn. I'm just learning. We're all learning. I hope we're always learning or it's going to get really, really boring. Now you have this goal in mind. Let's say your goal is to start your own business. You can have any goal you want. I'm just going to use this as an example. You want to start your own business and I see myself five years from now getting dressed to go to my business in the little exercise I just gave you. I'm getting dressed to go to my business and it's going to be a good day. It's already established, so I know I want to start this business. I know what my business is going to be about, but how do I get there? 

The next step you can do with post it notes. You can do it with a project management system system like Trello. You can write it all out. I like to get a white board or a notebook and write it all out. You're going to have a lot of ideas at first on how to get there and you're going to weed out a lot of those ideas over time, but first, let me say this, how do you even get your ideas on how to get there? I want to start a business. I don't even know how to do it. You're going to listen to podcasts. I was listening to podcast this morning too. I was listening to podcast on things I don't know how to do. Things I'm working on right now as I build out my course even more and improve it even more. 

There are things I don't know, so you can listen to podcasts, you can go on the Internet, you can talk to people, you can read books, just go out there and research and collect ideas and it feels like you don't know what the hell you're doing at first and then you'll get an idea and you'll get clear on it and get closer. So when the example of starting a business, you know, you will kind of like start gathering data, oh I need to do the administrative and financial stuff. I don't know where to start and there'll be maybe like a column or a pillar of it. I need to learn or hire out marketing. I know to do that. Say you want to be a coach like me, you need to get certified. You don't even know where to start. So you start building out some foundational pillars of how to do it and then you're going to break it down even more and start going through that. 

When you get more advanced, like the next step in this would be to put it in your time management system with even smaller pieces. So you're going to start off big with the big idea. You're going to get a little bit more like chunks of the next steps, and then you're going to drill down in those steps and then you're actually in. What I do, and I can go over this specifically in another episode, would I do, is I put those little steps weekly and daily and hourly on how to reach all those goals. So that's how you start building momentum on this. But let's use an example of losing weight. Let's use an example of starting to work out because here's where the motivation comes in, especially if you're feeling intimidated or if you're feeling incompetent or just unmotivated. Here's where it comes in. 

Let's use the example of starting to work out. You've gained some way and you really want to get in shape and work out. Now there's two pieces to losing weight. There's the working out and there's the Diet. Let's just take one of these here in. It's good to just take maybe one thing at a time. The first thing I'm going to tell you, which I've told you in previous episodes, is you want to find stories of inspiration. People that have worked out kept the weight off, that's doing the getting unstuck part, and then when you start taking the steps, here's what I want you to do. I want you to take that first step. Say I'm going to work out at a gym and then take that tiny little step than half it again and then half it again, so whatever that first step you thought, I'm going to go workout at a gym. 

You're going to start off with maybe five percent of what you thought was your original first step. So let's start this. All right, I want to start an exercise program. Day One, what do I do? I researched Jim's on the internet. That's all I do. Or I talked to my friends about their gyms day too. I visit to gyms to see if I like them. Day three, I sign up for one gem day for I buy a workout outfit. Now, if this is all too much for you, you have this and half day one you researched, Jim's take a day off, day to you, visit to Jim, see if you break it down, but if you keep moving momentum, think about if you add five percent every day, how fast you're going to get to 100 percent, and this does something in our motivation. So let's play this out a little bit. 

They five, go sit in the parking lot, trust up to workout. Day Six, go in and pick a class. Day seven, go in and sit in the back of the class. Day Eight, go to the class and do five minutes a day. Nine, go do seven minutes and build up. You see what I'm. What I'm trying to get you to feel here is that it's. It's easier, not harder, and it's more rewarding. You're wanting to feel way better about yourself. If you go to a gym class and your goal is five minutes and you're probably going to stay for six, then if you say, I'm going to start that class and it's an hour long crossfit class and you feel like you're going to die and you can't get through it and you feel like a failure, that's one way and there are many that you can motivate yourself. 

There's one other piece of this that I want to bring up before we close up and again, if you want this information, go to control the future.tech forward slash unstuck. And I've got all this written out for you so you can follow it and do it yourself. My website's control the future.tech forward slash unstuck. Sometimes we have a piece of something that we want to achieve that we don't like doing. I like doing marketing. I don't like doing administrative things by nature. Um, some people love accounting. I have a friend, she's an attorney. She loves the studying the law part. And I have another friend who's an attorney who loves getting up before the judge and the jury. So even even a great attorney may not love all pieces of what they're doing and you may not love all pieces that are going to get you to where you're going. 

You may not want to go back and finish your degree, but you decide that that's what you need to do. You may not love all of it. You're going to love a lot of it, but the way to motivate yourself to do things you don't want to do is to remember your longterm goal that will help keep you motivated to do that little piece you don't want to look. If you just think, I just want to finish this class and I'm hating it, you may not be very motivated to finish that class, but if you can envision the final thing or the reward that you're going to give yourself after that class, then that helps. Helps you be more motivated. So those are just a couple little tips and tricks on how to keep yourself motivated. So again, let's just summarize, get unstuck by thinking about your future, forgetting about sugars and other people's ideas and why you can't do it. 

Just really getting clear on what you want for your life and then the second piece is breaking it up into steps to get there and to research your options and to start off really small with little baby steps and kind of trick yourself or keep yourself motivated. So those are a few tips I have for you. I hope you liked it. Some of the stuff I use on myself every day and things I use with my clients to keep them on course along their path to make whatever goals and dreams they have come true. I hope you have a great day and that your son was summer is going really well. Okay, I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks everyone. Bye.